ypsi~dixit

Indeed. I was a vegetarian for 8 years and it was uncomfortable sometimes to be in eating situations where I just didn't want to eat what was offered.
However, I NEVER, EVER sneered at food. I usually politely lied and said something about just having eaten a HUGE meal, but I'll nibble on X,Y,Z.
I resumed meat eating again b/c I was too busy being on-call and being a mom and working that I wasn't eating well enough and felt like crap as a result.
I still can't stand the texture of beef (just like when I was a kid), but it's working and I feel better.
ACK!
Food elitists get under my skin in the worst way.

Yeah, I have some weird dietary restrictions that are all self imposed (i.e. not due to an allergy or anything like that). But my most important rule is that none of my rules apply when I am at someone else's house.

My mother, like yours, has drilled it into me that when one is a guest, one must eat/drink what is put in front of one. If someone invites me over for dinner, I eat what they are eating. It works for me. I pretty much like most food and have over the years perfected certain techniques for dealing with food that doesnt taste good (Like taking pill sized bites and swallowing without chewing or eating part of it and moving the rest around on the plate and so on).

On the other hand, I admit that as a hostess, it doesnt make me feel bad if my guests have food restrictions. I have a friend who doesnt eat wheat and I know that so when she comes over, I have rice instead of pasta. I have no problems making meatless or vegan dishes for my friends who eat that way either. I have never felt offended if someone says something like, "no thankyou, I dont eat meat" or "no thank you, I dont drink alcohol" or whatever when I have offerred them something. *shrug* (I wonder what Miss Manners would say)

In raising a teen vegetarian, I wish I could say I was succeeding in drilling into her the courtesy to eat what she is offered.

It's a pet peeve of mine that vegetarians so often say, "I can't eat meat," rather than I choose not to.

re - "food elitists" and "crackpot dietary whims"

I can understand looking askance on, say, the latest in Atkins Beach Zone diet madness, or matters of simple taste. Don't ever say "eww" to a host.

But I think there's a separate category involved in things like being a vegetarian. Would you ask an observant Jew to quit whining and just eat the bacon? Or a Hindu to eat his hamburger and pretend to like it? I know many vegetarians who feel equivalent ethical qualms at the eating of meat - as long as they're not telling other people off for partaking, though, I don't see a problem. Just smile and have an extra-big serving of salad.

Having spent about 7 years being a pretty strict vegetarian before weaning myself back onto meat, I can tell you that you certainly wouldn't *want* all strict vegetarians to eat meat out of politeness - for some, politely eating the meat is going to be followed by trying to figure out how to politely disguise excruciating stomach cramping, followed by politely excusing oneself when one's stomach rejects that stuff it doesn't know how to digest.

If I unknowingly serve a guest something he or she can't eat, I would far rather they tell me so politely than have them eat it anyways and suffer for their courtesy. (I would personally find it quite impolite to inflict distress on my guests...)

In my social circles, though, varying levels of vegetarianism for varying reasons are pretty common, and it's not uncommon for whomever has the most restricting conditions to arrive with a "dish to pass" that happens to be something they can eat. (Also common to notify guests of the intended menu at the time of invite so that they can plan accordingly.)

I used to live in a house of 9 people, who ranged from "not meat = not food" to "fish okay but no other meat" to "fish okay, no other meat or milk" to "jewish" to "no meat at all" to "no meat at all and no eggs". We rotated cooking, and everybody survived. (And, I think, everybody's cooking skills were the better for having to rise to the challenge.)

At any rate, I will thank the French for their opinion, but politely disagree.

(applause)

Well said, Murph, well said.

i, too, was a vegetarian for years before switching when i was pregnant (now i could take down a running cow in no time flat, but that's a different story). i never knew what to do when eating at people's houses, although side dishes are usually vegetarian, so it was generally ok.

one of the nicest things that anybody ever did for me, though, was during college when i was a vegetarian, and i was really sick. my best friend only had chicken soup, so that's what he made me, but HE PICKED ALL THE CHICKEN OUT OF IT. piece by piece. so, you know, i couldn't say no to that.

i think manners are just trying to make the people around you feel comfortable, so that can be different things in different situations.

meredith

Those owl pellets probably have traces of meat left in them. Maybe you could use mouse droppings instead?

Anthony Bourdain has some funny stuff to say about vegetarians and raw food fanatics in his latest book (The Nasty Bits). He's totally tactless and brutal, which makes for a very entertaining read.

Sandy: Oh, I just adored his Kitchen Confidential. He is so entertaining as a writer. I understand he has a globe-trotting culinary-adventures TV show, too, which I've never seen but would like to.

Your note on owl pellets is a wise one as usual. Duly noted.

I accidentally hit post yesterday, when I began the thought about "I can't eat meat" vs. I choose not to. What I object to is the lack of responsibility taken by many vegetarians. To say "I can't" moves the agency for control outside the self and also the responsibility from the eater to the cook. You may have cooked it but I can't (am not able) eat it. "I choose not to" takes responsibility and also takes responsibility for informing the cook of preferences or accepting what is offered.

I also hate the assumption by many vegetarians that if you eat meat, you're just ignorant and haven't considered the ethical ramifications of your choices. I actually don't eat meat outside my home because I won't support factory farming and I can't be sure of the source of the meat. Thus, I only eat organic grass-fed meat from a farmer that I've cooked at home. I know the conditions under which the meat was produced and choose to eat it. For years, I couldn't afford to do this and so I was a defacto vegetarian. But that was my choice.

In terms of ethical implications, at least meat is dead when you eat it. Carrots are still alive, as are onions, potatoes, any root crop.

ummm...from a farmer that I've cooked at home ...? Gee, was that ever badly phrased. My apologies!

Lisa: Yes, that did make me furrow my brow.

But it sounded like a meal you could really plow into.

...though probably a harrowing meal.