27 september 2006
YPSIDIXIT HAS GOTTEN A LOT OF EMAIL LATELY, and as some of the questions are out of my depth as a single lady, I'm turning over the mailbag to Jeb and Tiffany the Entwined Garter Snakes, Ypsi's Leading Relationship Experts.
Dear Jeb and Tiffany: I got mad at my boyfriend and stormed off the other day. But I want to call him. Should I cave? --HESITANT IN YPSILANTI
Dear Hesitant: Yes. You should cave. Choose a cave somewhere along the Huron, preferably one with plenty of nice, juicy crickets. Slither in there and coil up under some dead leaves. It's late September, so pretty soon hibernation will set in, and before you know it, it'll be spring and you won't remember a thing! --JEB
Dear Jeb and Tiffany: My wife and I are in a rut. We get along OK, but it seems like every day is the same. We could use a change, to put some sizzle back into the relationship. --HIDEBOUND
Dear Hidebound: Whenever Jeb and I feel this way, we--gosh, I'm blushing--honey, should I tell him?
Sure, sweetie, go ahead.
Well, we find that molting does the trick. It's an easy way to a whole new you, and, um, it's especially exciting if you do it together. Plus you can eat the skin afterwards. --TIFFANY
Dear Jeb and Tiffany: Ever since that buff male secretary started working at my fiancee's office, she's worked late almost every night. She says it's the Johnson contract, but after two years of this, I'm starting to wonder. --LICKING MY WOUNDS
Dear Licking: It doesn't add up. The Johnson contract wasn't all that tricky. She should have been done long ago. Sounds like she's speaking with a forked tongue. --JEB, WITH HELP FROM TIFFANY
Post Your Relationship Questions Below for Jeb and Tiffany, the Entwined Garter Snakes, Ypsi's Leading Relationship Experts!
Posted by ypsidixit at 27 september 2006 21:17
Comments
Ypsidixit knows very well about her kind readers' tolerant open-mindedness and is confident they'll be perfectly comfortable discussing their personal lives with a couple of snakes. Two very nice snakes. There's always the "Anonymous" option, anyways.
Posted by: Laura at 28 september 2006 10:38
Dear Jeb and Tiffany
My husband is a "reality" TV junkie. Should I get a divorce? - veranonymous in MI
Posted by: Veranonymous at 28 september 2006 11:07
Whew! No offense, honey, but that seems like a cold-blooded response. The key here is to avoid a venomous approach. Instead, try suggesting other fun activities, like lateral undulation or swallowing mice. He'll come around!
Fangs for the question!
Posted by: Tiffany at 28 september 2006 11:15
Dear Jeb and Tiffany,
I cannot seem to motivate my community gardeners to do ANYTHING as a group. There's a Harvest Party coming up on 10/14. How can I get them to participate?!?!
[This is a relationship question because it is a Community garden, not just a yard extension, ya know?!]
Posted by: lisanonymous at 28 september 2006 11:50
Dear Lisanonymous:
Jazz it up a bit! Put on some music and mamba! Set up a kissin' booth! 50 cents a smooch, with the proceeds going to Ypsi's Old Snakes' Home over on Dixboro. That's how I met my Tiff, at a Community Garden Harvest Party kissin' booth. Just make sure that kisser has bottled water, to avoid cottonmouth.
Good luck!
Posted by: Jeb at 28 september 2006 12:59