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21 juli 2005

Art Fair Hideousities

palm.jpg

YPSIDIXIT SPENT THE EVENING CRINGING AT UGLINESS like this fluorescent seascape. It combines the technical competence of a 3rd-grader with the most cliched imagery imaginable, rendered in retina-charring hues. Yours for a measly $500.

Hmm. New bike or Satan's Palms? That's a toughie.

Note Many pix inside; please give it a minute to load.

assem.jpg

Assemblage from hell, a good example of "Bank Lobby Art." Except if my bank polluted its walls with this miscreation, I'd close out my checking account pronto. This item is titled "Moonbeam," due to the manner in which its lurid colors and deformed trapezoids evoke evanescent lunar rays.

golf.jpg

The wire guy comes every year to peddle his swinging pendulum eyesores. Who wouldn't like a wire cartoon metronome of a golfer ticking away on their wall? Tick...tick...tick...

instru.jpg

The musical-instrument-animals guy is another annual diehard. Who buys these items, and why? In what possible venue would these lurid creations fit in?

bunny.jpg

This artist so loved her inspired idea of a bunny gauging its croquet shot, as his buddies exchange money in the background as they make a bet of some sort, that she repeated it in several works, each one rendered in the same technically incompetent fashion.

pug.jpg

Devil-Spawn Pug. How would you like this beauty hanging over your dinner table? Or, better, at the foot of your bed so it's the last thing you see as you drift off to sleep and pleasant dreams of.....GAAAAHHHH!

fish.jpg

Spooked, Ypaisidit left the Main Street Booths of Horrors to amble down Liberty to the King's Chosen area. This is the Art Fair's armpit of tickitackiness, resembling a flea market. Ypsidixit overheard one vendor complaining to another. "The guy to the side of me, he's selling imports. The gal on the other side, she's selling imports." Over tables piled with tasteless junk, these two sniffed at these heathens' deplorable selling ethos.

Ypsidixit watched patrons magnetized by these eye-paining Lucite fishscapes. Visitors to this booth stood rapt at these items. Ypsidixit chuckled indulgently to observe the slack-jawed Skinneresque response to brightly colored objects.

flag.jpg

Ooh, lookit the pretty bike flags! Lookit! Ooh, lookit!

OK, this is different It is a noble bicycle flag. A vital safety item. And merry and fun. Ypsidixit selected one bearing the verdant green and sunny yellow of her ancient Ypsidixit lineage. She chatted with the nice proprietor, who was from Wisconsin and was enjoying his stay in Ann Arbor. He had a number of fun children's tents for sale as well, and was a good guy.

Ypsidixit felt festive carrying her flag, like she was a king's page or something. She also felt safer in the milling crowds. If she became trapped in a stationary clot of visor-wearing grannies, she could wave her flag for help.

wire.jpg

This is the police. We are here to confiscate your pliers. You are in violation of the Copper Wire Abuse Act. Cease twisting immediately. PUT DOWN THE PLIERS.

nocirc.jpg

Liberty's creepiest nonprofit was the no-circumcision guys. Note the guy at right studiously ignoring this booth. Note also that they are selling T-shirts, perfect for casual Fridays or that hot date this weekend (wink, wink). An unsettling gaunt-looking 60ish guy hovered in the shadows of this booth. It all seemed so...icky. Why would grown men make a cause celebre of...the penises of infant strangers? The inexorable crowd started herding Y. towards this booth, and the hollow-eyed guy fixed his gaze upon her, readying his testimony for this apparently fertile woman. Ack! Must...swim...upstream! Help!

mayday.jpg

Ypsidixit waved her flag desperately. M'aidez! M'aidez! A stroller-pusher ducked the flag and Ypsidixit broke free, fleeing towards the water stand for a much-needed break.

water.jpg

Ypsidixit enjoyed several refreshing slugs of Dioxane-Ade. After partaking, she wandered unsteadily west on Liberty, feeling strangely light-headed and exhilerated, the circumcision-crusaders forgotten.

tranny.jpg

Ypsidixit's ill-advised intake of the beverage induced several unwelcome hallucinations, such as this befeathered transsexual in shiny, shiny red boots. Ypsidixit took this vision as a sign that she should try to get home while able to, and staggered to her bike and drove off (flag a-wavin').

Posted by ypsidixit at 21 juli 2005 20:24

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Comments

Man, I gotta admit that I dig the Pug. Count Pugula.

Also, I assume your clitoral hood is intact. That would explain why you have no empathy for a cause standing against senseless, arcane penis butchery.

Posted by: weenie at 21 juli 2005 22:08

I think circumcision is a senseless practice rooted in superstition. I don't see the point of it and think it harmful overall. But a booth full of adult male standard-bearers in public was a tad creepy.

Posted by: Laura at 21 juli 2005 22:30

Let's get back to the art, people. The art. So-called.

Posted by: Lady Bug at 21 juli 2005 22:47

My bro and I were there yesterday and there were, in my undercultured opinion, some fascinating photographs.

There was also some extraordinary crappe down by the Union, all crafty and such.

Posted by: LF at 21 juli 2005 22:56

That is the fun of the Art Fair. There is good stuff to be found, and plenty of wanna-be tripe to superciliously deride, sotto voce. Harmless fun.

Posted by: Laura at 21 juli 2005 23:00

I can't believe I'm jumping into a circumcision debate, but this article discusses a study conducted in South Africa showing circumcision reduced the risk of contracting HIV by 70 percent.

Posted by: tom at 22 juli 2005 08:18

Oh, and I loved your pictures and commentary. I hope to take some of my own this afternoon.

Posted by: tom at 22 juli 2005 08:19

Tom: that is a surprising article; I'd never known that. Thanks for the link.

Thanks for your nice comment. If you do take pictures I'd love to see them.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 09:27

I had an unavoidable committment in downtown AA yesteray around noon, so I reluctantly ventured into the bowells of the art fair. The scariest thing I saw was the sign at the garage where I usually park stating that art fair parking was $10. Found a meter, probably expending my supply of good luck for the next decade.

I have a sinking feeling I know the artist who did the bunny croquet stuff.

Posted by: Shupac at 22 juli 2005 09:34

Found a meter, probably expending my supply of good luck for the next decade. (snort!)

Well, it sounds as though you had a splendid time, Shupac. :)

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 09:37

At Jack's Hardwaare the sign says "Art Fair Parking: $50" :)

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 09:37

I was surprised by the HIV study as well. I knew that other studies have shown that circumcision is correlated with reduced rates of some STDs as well other unpleasant conditions, but I had no idea about the HIV link.

Posted by: tom at 22 juli 2005 09:38

Thank you -- I actually laughed out loud, though I didn't think the golfer clock was _that_ bad for a rec room or home office of a golf fan.

Posted by: Anna at 22 juli 2005 09:41

Tom: I had no idea about any of that. Live and learn.

Anna: that gem is not a clock; it's just a pendulum-swingy-thing.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 09:49

That article that's linked about HIV and circ? It's not been published in a peer-reviewed journal. There's a reason the Wall Street Journal broke that story, after all.

I'm glad that nocirc people are there--I've been looking for a sticker for my car and I'll bet that I can find it there. Thanks for the tip!

Posted by: frog at 22 juli 2005 09:56

If I remember right, the no-circ people have a sticker saying: "Circumcision: Cut It Out."

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 10:00

Well, golf isn't my thing, so I am not too disappointed :)

Posted by: Anna at 22 juli 2005 10:18

I think I'll eat some calimari rings tonight.

Or funions.

Posted by: Anonymous at 22 juli 2005 10:20

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Low energy at the start of the day is a signal to change it up. Create your own motivation with a promise to yourself for a special indulgence over the weekend. Friends share juicy (but not necessarily true) gossip. Don't take the bait. (let lunker do it.)

Posted by: Anonymous at 22 juli 2005 10:21

I dunno, I'd always heard that circumcision was done for hygenic reasons (easier to keep clean, correlation between said cleanliness and lower rates of STD, etc.).

Frankly, the whole thing strikes me a tempest in a pee pot, as it were.

Posted by: Dan Arbor at 22 juli 2005 10:22

Anon: I have special lunker-related indulgences planned for Sat. and Sun afternoons, no worries.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 10:25

So do I.

I have been on-call for seven years.

Last night was my last night.

Fishing time has been severely crimped.

But now its time to pay the piper.

Posted by: Anonymous at 22 juli 2005 10:33

Leo: Count to 20 before you make irrevocable decisions. A romantic mood can settle in late this evening, but don't take chances with a new hookup. Especially if you meet at an art fair booth. An air of disapproval can put a frost on relationships.

Posted by: Anonymous at 22 juli 2005 10:35

It's remarkable how accurate these horoscopes are. It's as though the writer is looking over my shoulder.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 10:38

Anon: last night was your last night? It sounds as though you are pleased with the change. Please allow me to say congratulations.

Posted by: laura at 22 juli 2005 10:39

Broken pipes, broken valves,
Broken heaters, broken springs,
Broken windows, broken keys,
People sleeping in broken beds.
Ain't no use jiving
Ain't no use joking
Everything is broken.

Broken doors, broken locks,
Broken switches, broken gates,
Broken sinks, broken parts,
Streets are filled with broken hearts.
Broken words never meant to be spoken,
Everything is broken.

Seem like every time you stop and turn around
Something else just hit the ground

Broken cutters, broken saws,
Broken gutters, broken laws,
Broken bodies, broken bones,
Broken voices on broken phones.
Take a deep breath, feel like you're chokin',
Everything is broken.

Bridge: Every time you leave and go off someplace
Things fall to pieces in my face

Broken hands on broken plows,
Broken faucets, broken fans,
Broken pipes, broken tools,
People bending broken rules.
Hound dog howling, bull frog croaking,
Everything is broken.

But I don't give a s&%t anymore!

Posted by: Anonymous at 22 juli 2005 10:50

Nicely done, as usual, with the Dylan song. Please let me wish you the best in any new endeavor you may be undertaking.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 10:56

My new position will allow me to meet many of the history buffs in town.

So perhaps we will meet sometime.

I am very excited about it.

College wasn't a waste afterall.

Posted by: Anonymous at 22 juli 2005 11:11

How wonderful! That sounds so interesting! I am very glad for you about this good news. Wow, it would be so cool to have a job related to history. Good for you!

It would be my great pleasure and privilege to meet you.

Meantime, congratulations again. That is great.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 11:15

Incidentally, I think you should be proud of yourself; this is said to be one of the hardest fields in which to find employment. I know several people with qualifications in history who are 1. working at something completely unrelated, to pay the bills or 2. not working at all. So you're way ahead of the pack on this one. At any rate.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 11:18

I feel extremely lucky. It is probation for 3 months. Just have to do my best.

Posted by: Heman Ticknor at 22 juli 2005 11:26

People make their own luck by and large. The 3 months will be a breeze I'm sure. Hope so, anyways.

I have yet to visit several local history spots. One that I know of has resident chickens. Special seasonal festivals. And a gorgeous house. I pass it on my commute. Can't imagine anything better, really, than working at such a place.

You should be proud of yourself.

Posted by: laura at 22 juli 2005 11:39

I should now have time to visit art fair for the first time in years. I don't like crowds, but heh, I'll check it out.

Much more time to fish as well. I would fish almost everyday. For the last few years it's only a couple times a summer.

You, my freind LF and my dad are right. Some people always keep hope and do their best. Things can happen. "Cream can rise to the top" A lot of coworkers seem to do just what they have to. Nothing ever seems to happen.

NOCIRC of Michigan, here I come!

Posted by: Anonymous at 22 juli 2005 11:52

I am more than a little flattered to be grouped with those gentlemen, but that's true, if you do your best it will pay off (as it has here, clearly). Everything counts.

I'm not a fan of crowds either, but the Art Fair is fun. I hope you enjoy it.

I can understand wanting to fish every day, even though I'm just a rank amateur. Whenever I go I spend hours and hours there and the time is gone before I know it. I originally thought it might be excessive to go both days this weekend, but then thought, excessive to whom? What better thing is there to do? (nothing). I'm going to try and find a new spot, though.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 11:58

Go to the non"ford side of the stark strasse bridge. (Underneath) Don't let anyone give you shit about fishing there. If your under the bridge its fine. Good walleye spot. Start at the transformer by St. Joe. down the steps till you hit the RR tracks. Tracks to trestle. Scuttle under the wood bridge. River meets lake. Big drop-off. Very good spot.

Posted by: Anonymous at 22 juli 2005 12:03

Use a crawler harness with crawler, and a small split shot. Or a purple people eater (Purple rubber worm with three hooks) Let is sink a minute after casting. Retreive briskly.

Posted by: Anonymous at 22 juli 2005 12:07

That is a great tip; thank you, Anon. I know where that is...and possibly another route to the same spot. I appreciate your pointing it out.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 12:30

Hey Laura, I saw you gliding down Packard near Granger in the bike lane at approximately 9:15 am this morning. If it had been yesterday, I wouldn't have been certain, but I saw your new flag flying proudly.

Posted by: LF at 22 juli 2005 13:02

How funny! Must have been a wee bit earlier, though. Yes, I take Packard in. And sometimes home as well, depending on whether I need to get there faster.

Depending on the time of day and the weather, I sometimes ride in the road (this a.m.) from Ypsi. And when I take it home, there are always other bikers biking in the road south of Stadium, even though the bike trail ends at Stadium. Once you pass Eisenhower, biking in the road on Packard becomes quite the adventure. Once you pass Golfside, most of the traffic is gone & you can go the rest of the way to Ypsi on the road instead of whamming and bamming over the sidewalk.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 13:08

hysterical! I'll be headed there this weekend at some point

Posted by: glitzy at 22 juli 2005 14:07

Glitzy: I'd be interested to hear your take on it.

Posted by: Laura at 22 juli 2005 20:07

I did info-booth volunteer duty for one of the fairs for a while. Other places I've volunteered for, they get to know you, they're happy to see you each year, you feel a little special. Not there. I was always aware that there was a phalanx of blue-rinsers ready and willing to assume my position telling all the out of towners that Zingerman's was two blocks past me, turn left, three blocks down, take the right fork onto Detroit. After a few years, it wasn't even worth the free T-shirt.

I maintain that the best time to go to the Art Fair is Tuesday night, after they've blocked off the streets for foot traffic but before the madness truly begins.

Posted by: Britain at 23 juli 2005 11:23

That is an interesting insider's peek, Britain (welcome to the blog!) though I'm sorry you didn't feel welcome. Too much hype around the whole thing. It's over now for another year, having packed up at the usual Midwestern stodgy hour of 6 p.m.

Posted by: Laura at 23 juli 2005 20:30

Posted by: child at 23 september 2006 18:08

Posted by: Swimsuit at 23 september 2006 18:25

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